Hello dear friends,
Greetings to you in the loving and powerful name of Jesus,
Last week I wrote to you about what love is and how it looks in our lives. But as you and I both know—it is often hard to love people who tend to irritate to us. It’s like we need a miracle to help us love in those hard times with others. Think of someone who gets under your nerves; who pushes your buttons; those you have a strained relationship with? How have you tried to resolve your relationship with them? If you are like me, maybe you’ve tried grumbling a bit? Complaining a bit? Nagging or nitpicking? Yes all those approaches and more do NOT work. Relationships that are “stuck” stay stuck until the Good Lord grants us a breakthrough with that relationship. I’m finding that if we pray for that relationship, we will experience a lot less negativity in that relationship. Prayer is the power that works to change lives. It works first in our own life, and then in the life of that irritating person. Today, let’s take some prayer tips from the Apostle Paul from his letter to the Philippians. He is praying for that church, even knowing that there are those who are envious of him and were trying to stir up trouble for him. (See 1:17) Let’s begin by looking at Philippians 1:3-6…
“3 I thank my God every time I remember you. 4 In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy 5 because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, 6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
First, let’s cultivate a heart of gratitude for our fellow believers. Paul is thanking God for the believers in Philippi, even the trouble makers. Why? Because as he says in verse 4 and 5 they are in partnered together in the gospel. This brings joy, because we realize that we are living for something greater than ourselves. The gospel is universal—it is God’s good news for ALL people in all nations for ALL times. Joy is the happy state that results from knowing and serving God. When we pray for others—especially those that irritate us—remember that you are serving God and carrying out His great mission in the world. Focus on that and not on someone’s irritability. To live in gospel reality, we have to be mindful to repent daily. That means we have to change our minds about who is God around here. I have to remind myself that the world doesn’t revolve around me. It revolves around the King of Kings and His Kingdom.
Now if you think that someone isn’t living up to your expectations of what a Christian should look like… consider verse 6. That verse tells us that God is in charge of a person’s growth in Christ. We aren’t in charge of them. The Savior is and He will carry that child of God on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. It is the same Savior that is carrying me and you on to completion. We haven’t arrived yet. We aren’t perfect. But Jesus will guarantee that we get there one day. Even that irritable person we are having trouble with. So, begin praying for gratitude and for that to begin with. Now let’s go to Paul’s next paragraph and look at verses 7-8…
“7 It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart and, whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God’s grace with me. 8 God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.”
This paragraph tells us that we have to go a little deeper. It is one thing to pray for gratitude and with gratitude for another person, but it is quite another thing to have them in our hearts. We are going from the mind to the heart, and this is a little harder to do. That’s why we need to pray that God, who promised to take out our heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh, would give us love in our hearts for our brothers and sisters, including those that irritate us. (See Eze. 36:26) God is the great heart doctor, and He specializes in heart surgery. We don’t pray that God will put others in our heart because we like to be justified in our attitude toward them. But our own self-righteousness is not the kind of righteousness that the Savior died to give us. We are to seek His kingdom and His Righteousness (Matt. 6:33), and nothing less. Don’t settle for external changes to your situation—rather, pray for internal, miraculous changes to your own heart. Paul can pray with real gratitude for the Philippians because they were genuinely in his heart. He was not just communicating the gospel—he was living it out. And he says that God Himself can testify how he longs for them with the affection of Christ Jesus. We are talking a real and rugged heart full of love—and not some syrupy, superficial lip service. That is the kind of Christianity the Savior would have us live.
And then Paul prays for the Philippians. Thus, he shows us how to pray. This is not a superficial prayer for God to change my circumstances—but a rugged supernatural prayer that will help us in praying for others. Listen to verses 9-11…
“9 And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, 10 so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, 11 filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.”
These are beautiful verses and we often think of how nice it is that Paul would pray this way. But we forget that the Bible wasn’t given to us to simply fill our heads with knowledge—rather it was given to us that it might transform our lives. Following Paul’s lead, we can find 4 things we can pray for others, especially for those who get under our skin. Since nagging and complaining do not work, let’s try prayer that will work.
First, let’s pray that people will grow in their love! Paul asks that this love abound more and more—meaning that growth in love doesn’t stop. Their growth in love and our growth in love. We need this too. This is the kind of love I wrote about last week in my letter of encouragement based on 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Love is patient and kind… Being simply irritated with people is neither patient or kind. So let’s pray that the God of love will give both the other person love and us love so that we can bear with one another in love. It isn’t rocket science… rather it is faith (doing what God says), expressing itself through love, (having a transformed heart). See Galatians 5:6
Next, let’s pray that they will make wise choices! Paul prays in verse 10 “that you may be able to discern what is best.” We are told in Proverbs 4:7 that we are to gain wisdom though it cost us all that we have, we are to gain understanding. Wisdom is the proper use of knowledge. True wisdom is exemplified in the person of Jesus, for we are told that He is wisdom from God. The wisest thing to do is not to nag, nitpick or complain about other people’s actions or attitudes—but rather to pray for them. Let’s put our knowledge to good use and pray to a God who hears and answers prayer. A wise believer is one who is walking in the Spirit and is living a life that honors the Father. That is a heart of discernment. Who doesn’t want that?
The third thing to pray for is integrity. Integrity means the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. Integrity sums up Paul’s prayer that “they may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ.” That means that we live our lives so that we do not cause others to stumble; and that we are ready for the Judgement Seat of Christ when He returns. (See 2 Cor. 5:10) In other words, while we are praying for that other person to gain integrity, we are praying for more integrity for ourselves as well. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. Often times I find myself irritated at others for the very things that I do myself? Realizing that, I find I want to be pure and blameless until the day of Christ. The Apostle John writes in 1 John 2:28 saying, “And now, dear children, continue in Him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before Him at His coming.” Living that kind of life will develop and life of integrity. I don’t want to be ashamed of Him or He of me.
Finally, pray that they will become like Jesus. This is a daily prayer for me, and who wouldn’t want to be more like Jesus? That is essentially what Paul is saying in verse 11. He is praying that they would be “filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.” This fruit of righteousness is spelled out in Galatians 5:22-23. Here it is called the fruit of the Spirit, but it is the same thing. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” Now think about this… if the person who is irritating you was filled with this kind of fruit… do you think that you could get along with them? Do you think the irritation would end? Of course, it would. If you were filled with this kind of fruit… don’t you think you could overlook irritations? The Bible says that “love covers a multitude of sins.” This is the very kind of prayer that we need on a daily basis. It is the kind of life that we are destined for in eternity… and that we are guaranteed since Jesus pledged to carry us on to completion that which He has begun in us. (See verse 6)
When you think about bearing fruit, it is a steady ongoing work of the Spirit. A fruit tree doesn’t make a lot of noise when it produces a crop. It merely allows the life within to work in a natural way. Delicious fruit is the result. Jesus said, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing,” John 15:5. Jesus will do His work in us; and our part is to remain.
So, the next time you find yourself irritated with someone, let it be an invitation to pray these things for that person and for yourself. 1. Pray for gratitude. 2. Pray for others to be in our hearts, rendering a heart change. 3. Pray for growth in love; 4. Pray to make wise choices; 5. Pray for a life of integrity; and 6. Pray to become like Jesus. Write these things down and put them in your prayer journal. They are good things to pray for everyday whether you are irritated by someone or not. God will bless you richly if you do. Then, down the road it will surprise you just how much you’ve grown in Christ. I guarantee it.
“O to be like Thee! Blessed Redeemer, this is my constant longing and prayer; Gladly I’ll forfeit all of earth’s treasures, Jesus Thy perfect likeness to wear. O to be like Thee! O to be like Thee, Blessed Redeemer, pure as Thou art! Come in Thy sweetness, come in Thy fullness; Stamp Thine own image deep on my heart.” By Thomas Chisholm
Benediction:
“To him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy— to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.” Jude 1:24-25 (NIV2011)
Pastor Russ Hilsinger,
Grace Baptist Church of Dallas, OR